dilemma

Walmart. "The store" as my children refer to it is about a stones throw away from my house, well, it would be if I didn't throw like such a girl. Caution: I am in a venting mood. If you want to be uplifted, stop reading right now. If you would like to share in the woes of walmart, then continue. Since I am pretty sure about 5 people read this blog, I think I am pretty safe.
This problem has two parts- the first one is when to go to "the store". I have ventured out way too many times with three kids in tow to speed as fast as I can up and down the aisles to get the things on my list. The problem? Duh- three kids. It is never a fast trip (which is always intended). I am sweating by the time I have gotten to the front doors, having gotten all the kids out of their car seats and miraculously through the parking lot with no one getting killed by the teenager or the guy with long hair and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Once "safely" inside comes the real danger. I put Malia in the front of the cart but don't even think about buckling her. Maybe I'm a bad mom but it's not worth the attention of every single person in the store as she's screaming her head off. Well, last time I was really hot and they have a Subway in the front of the store, which sells Icees. I know you moms are rolling your eyes at me already, but it gets better. So I buy a big Icee thinking my kids can share and thinking it will occupy them for a little bit. First mistake. Malia doesn't share. She doesn't get my rule of "you don't share it, you don't get it". So she has the straw welded to her lips and you would think I was cutting off a finger every time I gave the other kids a turn, so much for people not staring. My kids mouths and clothes, teeth and tongues are all a bright shade of beautiful blue. Somewhere in the middle of yogurt and string cheese, Malia opts to forget the straw and just go for it, which sends a tumbling mess of blue down her. I take the cup and set it in the cart, trying to clean her up. Max wants a drink and goes for the cup but he can't reach over the cart. No problem, he climbs the cart, grabs the drink and spills it all over everything that I have put in the cart so far. I could start crying but I take a deep breath and get out the wipes and have him help me clean up the floor and everything else. by now the kids are getting antsy and Malia is trying to stand up in the cart. Ally and Max's favorite thing to do is see if they can get behind the items on the shelves. Sometimes there is dead space on the shelves behind the toilet paper or big boxed stuff- makes for a great fort right? Except that they come out with dirt from head to toe, I can't find them 1/2 the time, the knock over merchandise and usually bonk their head which sends them out howling. Max is running ahead and running into people. Ally is holding on to something she got 4 rows back that I told her "no" to, pouting, thinking somehow I will change my mind. I usually give up and don't get whatever is on the last third of my list. I just want out of there as fast as I can. As we come to the checkout they say, "We were so good, do we get a candy?"
Now, it's not always so bad, but the potential is always there. So I have tried sending Kyrk. I love him and he is so willing and he tries hard, but after 8 phone calls about what I meant exactly when I wrote 'Claussen Kosher Dill Pickle Spears in the refrigerated section by the lunch meat.' I think that it's not worth it. One time I think he had 3 workers (guys) looking for sun-dried tomatoes for half an hour, which they never found. And they were right where I told him. :)
My third option is to go later after the kids go to bed, which is what I did tonight. The problem with that is that it gets so late and this pregnant, not sleeping well body of mine is exhausted. I think it takes me twice as long because I feel like I have lead in my feet and brain is in a very slowed down mode. There are boxes everywhere and I can't get to half the stuff I need. Well, tonight I was excited because I was going to get myself a new notebook. That might not sound like much to you, but a crisp new notebook to make my lists in really turns me on! I love to have one that is my very own that the kids are not allowed to color in, well that's the idea anyway. I won't mention the fact that I am getting a new one because my old one has mysteriously disappeared. So the first thing I do is go to the section and look for a really cute, colored, polk-a-dot or striped notebook and there is nothing! I looked 20 times. I know right where they are and...gone! I am upset so I go and pick out a new cookie sheet. I come back because they've got to have something! The only thing that is the right size is a Hannah Montana notebook and I WILL NOT stoop that low! So I went to get a new basting brush and some lime tostitos to make me feel better. After a long shopping trip and a brand new checker that put one item in each bag I drove home with the bag of chips opened on the seat beside me. I pulled into the garage and I am so tired. I realized I now have to unpack all the groceries. I sat in the car, eating chips and stare at the door wishing Kyrk will come bounding out ready to get all the groceries for me. I don't need a knight on a white horse, I just need someone to carry in groceries. That is pretty much synonymous to me. But I knew he was asleep and I sat there so long all the garage lights went out. I knew that if I tripped and broke something he wouldn't hear and wouldn't come so I had better get to it. And now, after unloading groceries, venting for a minute and eating half a bag of chips, I feel a lot better. Now I can probably sleep. But this still doesn't help me figure out when to go to "The Store" (I feel like that title should be accompanied by scary music). So if any of you five out there have a suggestion, I'm all ears.